Healing our Community

I spoke with someone last week who inquired about a keynote for their back to school kick-off. I was shocked to learn they found me because they put keywords into ChatGPT that reflected the message they wanted conveyed, asked for help finding 10 possible speakers, and there I was at the top of their local list.

I was stunned. For a few reasons, but to start, I hadn’t considered this as a possible use for AI but how cool! I’m definitely stealing this strategy in the future. But perhaps more importantly, I really AM about those keywords they put into the AI search. Words such as positive psychology and hope indeed reflect areas passion for me. No wonder I felt so connected with the purpose for this event. I remember reading the email and thinking, “Wow! I feel so connected with the values and intentions for this day!”

Without AI, maybe we would have found our way to each other. But maybe not. This is one small example of a way that technology can drive connection versus drive us a part.

On a different note, I was speaking with Beth Rimer, Director of the Ohio Writing Project, and we were talking about how people don’t seem to gather as much anymore. She shared a concept that was new to me called “third spaces.” Essentially, third spaces are informal spaces where people intentionally or unintentionally gather and engage in dialogue. Picture two retirees who are complete strangers, they both happen to go to their local coffee shop every Thursday morning at 8 AM. One does crosswords, the other brings a book or paper, but they eventually learn each other’s names because they frequent this same coffee shop at the same time every week. As time passes, on some days they talk about world events, politics, or the weather, other days it’s a brief exchange but if one of them unexpectedly doesn’t show up, the other one notices and becomes worried.

Third spaces are casual, safe, and often informal opportunities for people to process information and perspectives different from their own. And yet, there aren’t as many opportunities for this today. Many of us don’t want to linger in public spaces. I will admit that I get my groceries delivered and if I don’t have to be out of the house for work or go to the gym, I prefer to go home. There is a part of me that chooses this because the world seems a bit on edge. There is something in the air that is unpredictable…a chance that at any moment someone will do or say something offensive or displeasing to other individual and suddenly that person may become unhinged.

For this reason, we are getting less practice. We are getting less practice being in community with one another. We aren’t as practiced at holding space for views that are different than our own or at sharing our differing perspective with others. Since many of us are out of practice, kids aren’t seeing adults do this well which leads to less modeling of healthy dissonance for kids. Instead, some of us take to social media and argue unproductively behind the false safety of our keyboards.

In order to build stronger communities and a better world, we are going to have to make peace with the discomfort of third space and shared community. We are going to have to practice micro-disharmonies. We will need to allow others to stress us out a bit and disturb us at times. This is the work. A sentiment shared by Mel Robbins and Margaret J. Wheatley.

But the beauty is, we will find the good too. In Legacy of Learning, I urge us to train our minds to notice and celebrate every little bit of good that we see and when we see it, celebrate it with great specificity so others believe it. Leaning into meaningful conversations with listening ears and an open heart can unveil the unexpected good too.

Technology can bring us together. It can help us find each other in the wilderness, but it’s how we navigate the wilderness together that will determine our collective future.

We need each other more not less. We need to be together more not less. That’s the reality many of us don’t want to face.

But this is how we heal.

We heal together not a part.