Reframing Fear

The Ohio Writing Project has a special place in my heart and has grown me as a professional. Having earned my masters degree with OWP, attended countless workshops, and facilitated some too, it’s a place where I go to fill my cup and nudge myself into effective practices for both instruction and leadership.

It makes me feel a little emotional when I reflect on the 4 week workshop- the place where my journey with OWP began in 2006. The place where I first saw myself as a writer. And as a member of a writing community.

Because I don’t think I would have ever guessed that 17 years later, I would have written a book and would be delivering the keynote at the OWP fall workshop yesterday. Stay close to the people who believe in you, champion your dreams, and say your name in rooms of opportunity even when you aren’t there. This is my public thank you to Beth Rimer for the opportunity to connect my heartbeat with the heartbeat of the OWP community yesterday.

I’m marveling at the fact that over 70 teachers chose to come learn and share space on a Saturday morning simply because that’s what we do as educators. We love to learn and grow. As writing teachers, we choose our notebooks, reading and writing experiences, rich dialogue about pedagogy time and time again. We love this work, and we cherish time with others who love this work.

But I’m writing this to tell you that once the overwhelming feeling of being deeply honored to delivered this keynote had settled in, feelings of wishing I had not agreed to this took over. Not because I don’t believe in my message. Not because I didn’t want to put in the time and effort to make this as good as it could be for a room of professionals who inspire me.

But because I was terrified.

Fear is often excitement that needs reframing. Fear like excitement when channeled the right way can support us in doing hard things we never imagined we were capable of doing.

I took some of my own medicine because I often say that if people aren’t uncomfortable, we probably aren’t doing work that really matters. I was uncomfortable because this really mattered. This community really matters to me.

And that’s really beautiful.

On a darker side, however, I was nervous because I was afraid of what other people would think of me. And worried about how well I could execute. And frankly, wondered how my performance would make me feel about myself after.

There is a moonshot thinking video that I often revisit, “I think if we become afraid to take these great big risks, we stop inspiring people. We stop achieving things. And the biggest nightmare scenario is that we won’t have what it takes to solve the really big challenges.“

We as educators don’t want to stop inspiring people. We don’t want our schools to stop achieving things. We want school to be a place where we all, students and staff alike, have what it takes to solve really big challenges.

So, we are going to have to be uncomfortable sometimes. We need to find the things that seem to matter so much to us that we are willingness to make mistakes. We need to be willing to let go of the chance that it won’t be executed perfectly or others may not approve or think it’s any good. Not all parts of the work are worth this kind of risk, but some parts of it need to be.

As John Lewis said, “If not us, then who? If not now, then when?”

This is our legacy as educators. To care so deeply about the future of this world that we are willing at times to bruise our own egos in pursuit of a collective better for our kids and this world.

So, I wasn’t going to say no to an opportunity to pour into the hearts and minds of the teachers who are shaping our future every day. I was going to give it my all, get over myself, and do it imperfectly. And that’s what I did.

There was an outstanding amount of collective brilliance sitting in that room. My own hope is that they too find what feels worthy of giving it their all. Something worthy of pushing through the fear and executing imperfectly. Something that matters so deeply, they are willing to step outside of themselves and what others may think because the mission propels them into action.

Because this is how we change the world.

“Perfectionism steals moments from us. As human beings, we are wired for moments. Moments of connection. Moments of joy. Moments of learning and reflection. Perfectionism keeps us from trying new things and achieving big things because perfectionism tells us that it’s not good enough, so we might as well stop trying.” – Legacy of Learning (upcoming book)

Let’s keep trying. This is our legacy.