Three Things to Leave Behind

I stumbled into a post by Diego Perez on Instagram (@yung_pueblo) this week that has me thinking. The post said the following:

3 things to leave behind in 2023:

saying yes when you really want to say no

building with people that don’t treat you well

doubting your ability to accomplish your goals

The concept of saying no to certain things so you can say yes to what matters most is one of those life lessons I will need to learn over and again. A lesson so profoundly impactful and important to me that I included it in my recent book, Legacy of Learning: Teaching for Lasting Impact.

But there is another life lesson that I included in the original draft of my book. I later decided to omit it, but it is a lesson I continue to learn over and over. This idea that we need to leave behind, “Building with people that don’t treat you well.”

When I was in seventh grade, I had a friend. A friend who I thought was a best friend. And that best friend introduced me to a couple of other friends, and we all would hang out together after school, on the weekends, during the summer. One day I was laying on this friend’s floor, listening to the radio, waiting for a song we requested (LOL – that makes me feel old.)

And while I was laying there, she was sitting on her bed talking to me. As she spoke, I could see a note underneath her bed. It was a piece of folded up paper with my name on the front. I pulled it out from under the bed, opened it, and I saw a list titled, “The 10 Things We Hate Most about Meghan Lawson.”

I was heartbroken. Many of the qualities on the list were qualities that I hadn’t considered to be bad in nature like “smiling too much.” But it changed our friendship forever because well, this is not what friends do to other friends.

But as we age, sometimes the signs that we are not being treated well feel more subtle. Especially in the workplace. Maybe there isn’t a hateful list but there is disregard for our thoughts, ideas, or opinions. Maybe it’s not what is said but what is left unsaid. Maybe we get the sense that we must make ourselves quiet and smaller for others in certain spaces. Maybe you feel limited by others and unable to fully use your gifts and talents because of how it will be perceived by others.

Whatever the feeling may be for you, pay attention to it. And when those who love and care about you see things and tell you they are concerned and that you deserve better, listen.

Choose the people who choose you.

Life is too beautiful and fleeting and your magic is too important and valuable to be wasted.

Find the people who want to unearth the hidden gems of potential in you. Be the person who instead of being threatened by the potential of others, works to unearth, nourish, and grow that potential.

The world needs more people who are living, feeling, and contributing fully.

And the only thing you control at the end of the day is you. So, you either change yourself or you change where you grow. These are our only options.

But let’s be thoughtful about who we build with in 2024.