The Hidden Superpower

May in schools is not for the faint of heart. We can love our jobs, our students, our work, this profession, each other, and still struggle.

There have been days this month when I’ve wanted to see May step on a leg barefoot. Many of us are beyond drained. When we are burned out and our energy is burned up, it’s hard to regulate our emotions and show up as our best. No one is perfect, and we will all have low moments. To anyone carrying guilt from a low moment last week, a situation they could have handled better or that thing that didn’t go perfectly or as planned, I see you. I see you trying. I’ve struggled with perfectionism my entire life. As a classically trained dancer, perfectionism has been a way of life for me. I’ve struggled with it so much that I actually wrote an entire chapter about it in Legacy of Learning.

My colleague and I often find ourselves saying, “I’m a human being too. I’m a person who is trying.” I think too many of us feel this way at work. We desperately need others to see our humanity and how hard we are trying. I’ve often considered creating a t-shirt, “Be nice. I’m trying my best.” Some of my most recent emails have included lines like, “While I’m humbled daily in this role, I do care deeply, and I will keep trying.” At the end of the day, that’s really all we can ask of each other.

I just don’t know that being “the best” at what we do is the right metric. I get it. We all want to be the best, but what happens when we’ve reached best? You see, I think perhaps a more meaningful metric is not landing any one thing at all. Not that job we always dreamed we would have or the test scores we hoped our classes would achieve. Not that school rating that we so desperately want to earn or that coveted award we saw on social media.

Perhaps real success is the realization I had with my personal trainer a couple of years ago. No matter what I did with my nutrition or the fact that I showed up every day, I just wasn’t seeing the same results that I saw others making. I saw people lifting more than me and hitting more PR’s than me. I started to feel really frustrated by this. With my dedication to my habits, I should be “the best” in this gym. That wore me out. The best why? The best according to what? And so what, then what? Would being the best finally help me feel satisfied with myself and my effort?

Nah, maybe one day I will be the best at something. But instead, I’m setting my mind on the one thing that I know will take far. The one thing that I know will lead to immense progress. The one thing that I can control.

Being coachable. If I’m going to be the best at anything, I’m going to be the best receiving good feedback and taking good advice when I get it. That will be me. Because being coachable means that I have room for growth and that I’m going to make progress. Progress is more invigorating than any destination.

What does it look like to be coachable?

1. Listen. Everyone we encounter has something to teach us. Take the time to be fully present with others and genuinely ask questions. Don’t let your ego get in way of curiosity and future possibilities for yourself and others. Humble yourself to the realization that you don’t know everything and can always get better.
2. Reflect. It is vital that we take a step back and look at ourselves and situations more thoughtfully. We must be honest with the role we are playing in our own misery and the misery of others. We must be willing to admit when we were wrong, say we are sorry, learn, and do better. This means we should also be honest with ourselves about why something is going so well. What did other people do to make it so? Did we tell them? What role did we personally play, and how might we learn from the good too?
3. Do Good Anyway. In leadership roles, people will treat us unfairly. We will never get the credit we may deserve. People will treat us poorly at times and make assumptions about us and our intentions. That’s the gig. It’s just how it is, and over time, trust grows and things can improve as we work to create the culture we want to see, but this won’t stop happening to us. Do good anyway as Mother Teresa would say. Be the good you want to see anyway. The only thing we control at the end of the day is ourselves. So do that well and the rest will be what it will be. Pay attention to the good and not so good modeling in front of you. Decide who you want to be in your work and focus on your daily habits and actions through that lens.

Being coachable is a super power. Because through this lens, we are not done yet. We are learning and growing and every person and situation has something to teach us. Being coachable allows us to see challenges, obstacles, and setbacks as opportunities to improve versus statements about our self-worth. There is something much more humane about our work when we can approach it in this way. We cannot give to others that which we don’t have for ourselves.

If you want to grow the potential of others, start by nurturing the potential within yourself.

Be coachable.