When We Don’t Know

Last week, I found myself in some really tough conversations. The kind where emotions are running high, and there is no clear path forward.

I didn’t know what to do. In one of those situations, I sat and listened, and I wrote in my notebook. There was no quick fix. Nothing I was going to say was going to make things feel better. So, I listened and I wrote in my notebook.

What do we do when we don’t know what to do? I think our future depends on the answer to this question.

In leadership, situations are often complex. We may find ourselves unfairly judged or blamed. It’s the price of leadership. But how we respond when we don’t know what to do may be what defines us as leaders.

I happen to be in a position that carries what some may call a “big title.” With this, comes great responsibility and a need for significant self-awareness. Because the words people with those “big titles” say, they carry more. Not because they are worth more, but because of the perceptions of others.

What we do when we don’t know what to do, regardless of our titles or positions, this will be what determines the future of our communities. Because the world often feels heavy and complex, and very few situations anymore seem to have “simple” solutions. With every decision, there is a cost somewhere. And that makes many decisions feel daunting and at times impossible.

I don’t have an answer. I’m not here to offer one. But what I am here to say is that we need to lead ourselves first. We need to think before speaking. Think before posting. Think before acting. This is hard to do in schools when the pace seems to move at mock speed, but we often have a smidge more time than we are led to believe in the moment.

So, let’s give ourselves a beat. Take a sip of water before responding in that conversation. Let the weekend pass before replying to that tense email. And when in doubt, simply listen and write in your notebook. Listen not only to what is said but what isn’t said. Ask thoughtful questions if you sense that you can.

When we don’t know what to do, the one thing we can create is space. Space for others to feel heard. Space for others to simply feel. Space for silence in a conversation, so a point can linger. Space for others to talk themselves into solutions that were not apparent to us on the other side of the table. Space for ourselves to process before responding.

In a world that seems to value that which is immediate, create pause.

Somewhere in that space is an answer to a hard question.

In Legacy of Learning, I invite us to be “ridiculously in charge” of ourselves and our work.

There is plenty of space for us and others. Give space. Know when to make space for yourself.

And my goodness, pay attention to how you’re talking to yourself in spaces.

If we don’t figure this out, it will be difficult to endure, and we need healthy people in schools. As Zach Mercurio, author of The Power of Mattering says, “We can’t have healthy organizations with unhealthy people.”

Don’t let unhealthy people make you unwell.

Our own well-being allows us to create space for the wellness of others.

Be well.