Nourish the Blooms

Have you ever noticed that some of your best ideas come to you when you’re watering your plants, walking your dog, driving to work…during idle time or tasks that do not require much thought?

I don’t know that I’m about to share a “best idea” so sorry for the build up to this week’s blog, ha. I will say, however, and I had a moment today where I could see someone more clearly.

Now, that someone was my cat, Tripp, but the lesson applies to people in our lives too. Since we adopted Dennis last fall, a white and grayish/brown tabby who showed up in our backyard, Tripp has been for lack of a better term: a bully. He will lunge at Dennis, intimidate him when he’s trying to pass by, and move himself in Dennis’s general location when he sees that Dennis is getting attention. Dennis instantly gets uncomfortable and walks away leaving Tripp to enjoy the affection. It makes me mad. It’s such ugly behavior and has made me mildly resentful of Tripp.

Now as you read this, you are probably seeing what I’m about to share. Tripp is jealous! It’s so very clear that he is jealous, and I’ve known that all along. But today, I had some down time in my day, and I found myself talking to trip, giving him extra attention and love, and I saw how happy it made him. He purred loudly and looked lovingly at me with his big green eyes.

Did he still exhibit some of his old patterns today? A little. Old habits die hard. He did at one point move himself into Dennis’s space when I was petting Dennis, but he didn’t lunge at him when he passed, and he allowed Dennis to smell him. Baby steps.

This has me thinking about some of the unfavorable behaviors we see in schools. Not just with the kids but the adults too. Gossip, taking to social media with half truths and accusations, or flat out refusing to say hello back when they very clearly saw you greet them. That happened to me twice on Friday.

I’m not condoning these behaviors, but just as we say with kids, behavior is communication. I do wonder what it would look like to be curious rather than offended or appalled. To start, I don’t love how it feels to be upset by the behavior of others but secondly, curiosity feels more productive. I’m also not saying that we allow the people who mistreat others to rent space in our head. I’m simply wondering what a reframing would do both for our wellbeing and for the work.

I wrote an entire chapter in Legacy of Learning titled, “Nourish the Blooms.” As Alexander Den Heijer says, “When flower doesn’t bloom, you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower itself.”

We don’t “fix” people. I, for one, do not want to be fixed. That feels dehumanizing. Rather, we cultivate environments that support adults and students alike in doing their best work and showing up as their best selves. Sometimes, people are simply having a rough day, and we can support them in ways that feel best for them personally. But when we see the same behaviors over and over, we can ask ourselves what we might do to nurture an environment that supports more productive behaviors.

Are people taking to social media because they don’t feel heard? Are people showing up closed off in meetings because they don’t get the sense that their input is valued or recognized?

Maybe none of that is true. But what if there is just a glimmer of truth there, and what if we were able to make intentional changes that when executed in caring, genuine and consistent ways could inspire people to show up differently?

Hope is the belief that tomorrow can be better than today, and we are the ones who can make it so. Are we creating environments that inspire hope in our young people, our educators, and our communities?

At the end of the day, we really only control one thing: ourselves. The way we show up, the decisions we make, the way we communicate, our approach to the work. But don’t underestimate the positive impact you can make with the way you show up and care for others.

It may be the best and only way to make any kind of lasting impact in your school community.

And it might be what you need to feel better in the work yourself too. Because I don’t want to resent, Tripp. That hurts me even more than it hurts him. And we both deserve better.

PS: in a world where you can be anything, be the person who is brave enough to say hi first.