Fully Present

It is no secret that Sean Gaillard and I are big fans of the FX show The Bear. We actually jumped into a conversation about it on Sean’s podcast this past week. I’m not sure if Sean has moved on to episodes three and four of Season 3 yet, and I don’t want to give anything away. I think what I love most about this show is how all of the characters are deeply flawed and lovable. A reminder that both can be true is an important lesson for all of us.

There is a quote that I keep coming back to from Marcus, the pastry chef. He says, “I don’t know what it’s like to be a parent, but I know what it’s like to be a kid and to have someone pay attention to you and that was really special.”

Whether we are a big kid or a little kid or even an adult, it’s true that having someone truly pay attention to us is very special. It may be one of the most profound acts of love in this age of constant distraction.

There are times as educators when we can become frustrated with external pressures and influences on our profession. It’s understandable. Some of us find ourselves thinking, “Just because someone went to school doesn’t mean they are experts on what should happen in school.” True.

But something about this quote from Marcus got me thinking about the fact that while yes, having an experience doesn’t make us an expert in an industry, let’s not minimize the experiences of others either. We all experienced being a kid and school differently. But we all experienced it. And there is beauty in being able to draw upon our individual experiences.

We might not be kids anymore, but we will always be someone’s kid. Each of us are someone’s entire world. Some of our parents or guardians may have passed away. Others of us have strained relationships. Some of us are trying desperately to be the best parents we can be right now. Some of us are struggling to become parents. Others of us struggle to find our way through a world that expects us to be parents when we do not choose this path for ourselves.

And I think it’s beautiful that so many of us with our varied experiences and life choices are coexisting during this time in the world. Not everyone will agree with us or do life the way we do life, and that is really beautiful. This makes life truly interesting and can lead to what Carmine would call a “vibrant collaboration.”

And yet, there are universal truths that connect us too. As Will Guidara says in his book, Unreasonable Hospitality, what will always be true is the human need to be well-cared for. Caring for others starts with seeing others deeply. Not judging or trying to fix but simply seeing others and appreciating them for who they are.

I share this quote by Alex Den Heijer in Legacy of Learning, “When a flower doesn’t bloom, you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower.”

Perhaps if we stopped trying to “fix” or change people and instead nourished environments that allowed us to see each other more deeply and even more lovingly, perhaps then we could all access our fullest potential.

In the meantime, may we all simply work to be fully where are our feet are planted. May we offer others our fullest presence and attention. And may others feel this from us in small ways. Whether it’s putting our phone away, asking thoughtful questions that allow us understand more clearly what is said, or remembering to follow up on little details shared with us.

It’s this kind of super communication as Charles Duhigg would call it that is truly special, makes others feel special, and allows us to treat our connection to each other and this world like it is special.

Because it is.