1st Week Confessions

So, I wrote this flowery post about the ocean and living in the moment. I posted it on Sunday and went into Monday with high hopes and a sense of calm serenity.

And then the day happened. Haha.

Suddenly, I’m power walking not strolling. My hands are full with supplies, and I’m using my legs and feet to open and shut doors.

And before I know it, I’m sweating, my heart is racing. The day has passed. I’ve not eaten lunch, but I’ve been drinking coffee. A lot. Of coffee.

I work through my to-do’s. I go to the board meeting, and still, I’ve not eaten.

It’s 8:30 PM. So, what do I do?

You can probably picture it. I drive through McDonalds and ordered my first ever double cheeseburger (tasty, by the way), a 10 piece nugget, a large fry, and a sprite…because I had the good sense to stop myself from consuming more caffeine before bed. At least.

I don’t feel bad about it, and I’m not writing this to make you feel bad about it either. I’m writing this because some days look like this, and we don’t usually post about it on social media. A lot of what we write about are the ideals, our aspirations, and what is going well. Just like I did on Sunday.

No one is doing life, this work, every day perfectly. It’s how we respond to the hard days and low points that matters. Progress isn’t achieved by moments of perfect execution and super human motivation. Progress is achieved when we consistently work at it and try and try again on the things that matter deeply to us.

I could have easily said – whelp, I’m a McDonalds for dinner person now, or I’m a skip lunch and hustle my way through my day person. Too often, we tie our good and bad moments to our identity.

But no, I’m actually just a person who had a busy Monday.

And I’m also a person who wants to savor more moments. A person who wants to eat well and live well and not rush all the time. I haven’t figured it out yet, but what I learned is that it’s important for me to pack my lunch and snacks every day. Something I didn’t do on Monday, but picked back up on Tuesday. I’ve learned that when I wake up, I need to make sure I have a little time for breakfast. When I eat breakfast at home, I send myself the message that my wellbeing matters and that I’m allowed to be cared for even on work days. I send myself the message that I have my own back and that allows me to support others in more authentic ways at work.

So, while we figure this out, the way to find peace and calm and joy every day in our work, let’s allow ourselves to do it imperfectly. A high school student asked for help getting to class today, and I was happy to show her, so we walked together. She said, “Are you my teacher? You make me feel calm.”

I know there are many students out there who feel that way about many of us in schools. So, we aren’t just double cheeseburger eaters and coffee drinkers. We aren’t just to-do list machines. We are educators. We are calm (most of the time, ha.) and capable.

We are the imperfect people who make others feel calm and capable.

And I love that about us.

I think this is why I committed to writing about imperfection, happiness, and realistic expectations in my upcoming book, Legacy of Learning. This work is hard enough. Self-loathing only makes it harder. We deserve better.