Look for the Helpers

Without getting into too much detail, I find myself back in the hospital with a loved one. We are on day 31 of health battles.

Maybe it’s the start of school or perhaps it’s simply so much time spent here (I’m sitting in the hospital as I write this), but my senses are heightened to the small things. It turns out that when you’re going through something big, the small stuff seems to matter even more. Because every little moment of good sprinkles you with just enough hope to keep pushing through.

We’ve met so many incredibly kind people over the past month. Not just medical professionals and support staff but others. I’ve shared countless elevators with kind strangers. People who have held the door for me or complimented my shoes. I’ve had a hospital cafeteria cashier give me an ice cream for free because it was clear that the machine was just about out.

In the Starbucks drive through, I was greeted by a cheerful, sing-song-y hello, and when she handed the drinks through the window, she offered a kind word.

So many lovely coworkers have supported me in these dark hours. Many know nothing of the darkness we’re facing, but their kind words of encouragement, their smiles, their warm welcome, and their thoughtful gestures have grown hope in my heart. Tomorrow can be better than today. If strangers, acquaintances, coworkers, friends and family can restore my belief that there is life on the other side of all of this, then I can intentionally grow hope in others too.

I’ve also come to better appreciate the people who may not bring this kind of energy because they themselves are battling. Yesterday, I found myself annoyed by a nurse who didn’t seem very interested in answering my questions or even introducing herself to me. But after complimenting the chrome coat on her nails and thanking her for her work, she started to warm up. We learned that she is the charge nurse, and her team is consistently understaffed not unlike many schools and hospitals. Late last night, after a long shift, she made a point to stop by with her backpack on and then engaged in a 15 minute conversation before making a 30 minute drive up north to her home. She didn’t have to do that. But she made us feel like she wanted to.

Should she have been short and unfriendly at the start? No. But is she tired and a human being, yes. It was a reminder not to write people off and to suspend judgment because every person has a story or a battle they are fighting that many know nothing about.

I, myself, need this kind of compassion as I try to take great care of someone while simultaneously learning a new job.

Life right now is tiring and overwhelming. But I’m reminded of this story from Fred Rogers, “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”’

After a particularly exhausting day this past week, an educational assistant stopped me in the parking lot. She was on her bike, and she was yelling my name. I had never met her. When someone is yelling your name. Someone you don’t know. And you work in district office…that isn’t always a good thing, haha. Just saying! But in this case, she said, “I wanted to tell you that I’ve been reading your book, and I love the concept of feedforward.” She went to describe how this was impacting her work, and how she doesn’t usually read and finish books, but she was almost done with mine.

She has no idea how much I needed that. When you are exhausted and quietly struggling, every little reminder that you and your work matter can give you the boost you need to keep showing up.

So, I’m dedicating this post to Amanda. Amanda, you are the reason that I was able to dig deep and write this weekend. My feedforward for you is to keep shining light on the good. You are growing hope in people like me.