When it’s Too Much

I had one of those weeks when it was all too much. I can remember being an elementary principal and feeling like there wasn’t enough of me to go around. At the time, I had no AP and no counselor, and I was leading a building of over 700 students spanning grades Pre-K to 5. I would be sitting in a meeting while my office phone rang, text messages came in simultaneously on my personal and work cells, my walkie was going off, and all the while, a teacher was knocking on my door, crying, motioning that she needed me.

Sadly, I had to stop and think, “Ok, is anyone bleeding or in immediate danger? I need to start there.” What else can you really do in those moments but make sure you’ve prioritized safety?

It was one of those weeks for me in district office. As someone knocked on my door saying they needed to pull me from my meeting for a minute, I could feel myself becoming more and more overwhelmed. I said, “Yes, but I need to warn you that I am very overstimulated, and you are getting the worst version of me right now.”

Is that something you should say at work? I have no idea. Maybe not. I definitely shouldn’t be saying it to people who don’t know me very and aren’t a close colleague. In this case, this individual is someone who I work closely with on a weekly basis.

We don’t come with labels at work so that people know where we are emotionally. Imagine if we did? It might be helpful. Announcing we are in a bad place isn’t an excuse to treat people poorly. It’s also not an excuse to be highly emotionally on a daily or even weekly basis. Once in a while, however, when we find ourselves at a real low point, it might be important to name that for others, so they are less inclined to take our energy personally.

When we find ourselves maxed out, it’s not our fault per se, but it is our responsibility to get ourselves out of it and back into a productive space. The first step is recognizing that we are not ok.

How do I know when that is the case? I can feel it happening, and I actually say to myself, “I am not ok.” Is that weird? Maybe it’s just me who does this, ha,

Then, I try to do things that are good for my nervous system.

When in doubt, little kids or animals can help us get out of our heads and into the present moment. They don’t seem to know anything than the pure joy of the present. My cat, Bumper, is so so good for my nervous system. When I sit down on the couch, he climbs right into my lap, and on that particular evening, he rested his head on my shoulder, began purring and was looking up at my face. It really made me feel loved. Whether I was successful or unsuccessful on this day, it didn’t matter to him. He wanted nothing more than to simply be with me. A reminder that I am a human being not a human doing. He just crawled into my lap as I write this. He is one of the loves of my life. Swoon.

When the world and the world of work feel heavy, I find comfort in routine and in order. This weekend, I put gas in my car, got a car wash, cleaned my house, packed lunches for the week, and put laundry away. I find peace in making my corner of the world a little more organized. Things may feel out of control, but my home will feel at peace.

It also helps to interrupt anxiety with gratitude. I am grateful that I can afford a full tank of gas. I am grateful that I can afford to fill our fridge with nourishing food. Gratitude reminds us to see and celebrate the good.

So, when your world feels heavy or out of control:

1. Acknowledge how you’re feeling even if it’s just admitting it to yourself.
2. Find the people, activities, or conditions needed to regulate your nervous system.
3. Interrupt anxiety with gratitude.

Cut yourself a little slack. Every day is a new day. A new opportunity to try again. Let’s try again tomorrow.

As I say in Legacy of Learning, the real work is the work we do on ourselves. Everything else is secondary. How we show up impacts how others show up. We cannot lose sight of this.