The Power of Noticing

This post goes out to the ones who spend a lot of their thought life worrying about others.

I sent a text to a colleague today who shared in so many words that she’s been feeling really stressed. I simply told her, “I care about you, and I’m listening to you, and I’m always here for you.”

Her reply was generous and really struck me as quite profound, she said, “I believe you so thanks for that! I hope you allow your mind to rest. You’re always thinking about everybody else. It’s admirable yet is also a lot on someone. Hopefully, you have mastered not wearing everyone’s woes and burdens on you because that can be heavy.”

At first, I internalized that because what a kind and thoughtful reply from someone managing a lot of stress. And then, I realized, “She knows what it feels like to carry the burdens of others and this is how she knew to send that kind of reply.”

I’m at a conference this weekend and had the honor of hearing John Quinones speak. There was a point in time during his incredibly engaging storytelling where he said something along the lines of – it’s often those of us who have experienced hardship who find ourselves to be the first to lend a helping hand because we are able to feel deeply with others who are going through hard things themselves.

I’m reminded of this from How to Know a Person by David Brooks, “The real act of, say, building a friendship or creating a community involves performing a series of small, concrete social actions well: disagreeing without poisoning the relationship; revealing vulnerability at the appropriate pace; being a good listener; knowing how to end a conversation gracefully; knowing how to ask for and offer forgiveness; knowing how to let someone down without breaking their heart; knowing how to sit with someone who is suffering; knowing how to host a gathering where everyone feels embraced; knowing how to see things from another’s point of view.”

I think we need more of this in the world right now not less and yet many of us seem to feel like we are not people at all. Some of us feel like hamsters on a wheel or “robots” who are doing so much doing, there doesn’t seem to be much room for feeling or connecting. This not only worries me for us. It worries me for kids who are watching us as they try to figure out how to be human themselves.

So, I’m simply asking us to take the first brave step to simply notice. Allow ourselves to be curious not only about what people say but what they don’t say. Curious about specific words people use or body language and to make space to ask (when the time feels right) genuine questions that invite sharing and the possibility of some disagreement even.

In a world that seems to be moving at Mach speed, maybe the most important and most innovative thing we can do right now is simply show up, notice others, and make space for them.

I don’t know about you…

But I’m tired. And sure, we are tired because we are busy. But maybe we don’t have to be quite as busy as we’ve all decided to be.