All We Have

I went over to my mom’s house today to help her set-up her Christmas tree. It’s been a challenging year for our family and something about that made me think to offer. I can’t believe this many years have passed, and I haven’t made that offer. We enjoyed looking over each of the ornaments, remembering which ones were our favorite. So many of them from my childhood and even before I was born had years inscribed on them. We found that so helpful, “Oh this must have been the one that I made in art class” and so forth.

She said a few things today that really stuck with me, and I thought I might share them with you today along with my takeaways.

Tell people you are proud of them. No matter how old they may be.

As we sat down to take a little rest, she said, “I wonder what our lives would have been like if your dad hadn’t died. I bet we would have had a good life.” I pondered that for a moment, and we talked about how it was sad to think about it, but I found myself saying, “I think he would be really proud of you. You are such a strong person.” It was the first time that thought has crossed my mind. What my dad would think about how my mom did in his absence, and it’s what I truly believe. She’s spent her entire life being proud of me, and I want her to know that we are proud of her too. Some might think telling someone we are proud of them is condescending. But that’s not how it feels to me. Most people are trying really hard to be brave and to do their best, and I want them to know we see it. We are proud to know them and of the people they are now, and the people they are becoming too.

The moments are actually all we have.

I mentioned how we looked at the dates on the Christmas ornaments, and how it helped us go back in time and into memories we hadn’t thought about in some time. As I placed various ornaments on the tree saying things like, “I forgot about this one!” And “I always loved this one.” And “Who gave this one to you the year before I was born?” My mom said something profound, “You know, putting the years on them didn’t feel like it meant much at the time, but I can see how much it matters looking back now.” People will say you don’t know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory, but I want to know the value now and when it becomes a memory later.

Big things feel lighter when we carry them together.

She said, “This is easier and more fun when you do it with someone.” It’s so true. Getting a Christmas tree up and decorated is fun and festive but much more work and much less fun when you do it alone. She has likely put that tree up countless times alone. I wish that I had thought to offer sooner, and I hope that I get to help her put it up many more times in the future.

The holidays bring so many emotions, and I’m sharing this to normalize the range of emotions we experience during this season. We can feel loved, grateful, and connected while also feeling a sense of loss and longing for what might have been.

I guess this is the beauty of being human. Happy moments and sad moments. They all come and go. So, when we feel down, we can understand that feeling won’t last forever. And when we feel joyful, we can try to appreciate that too because the joy also won’t last forever. When I toiled over a title for Legacy of Learning, I almost landed on titles that had human in them because honestly, there’s nothing we need more in life and in our schools. People who embrace their humanity and nurture the humanity of others.

Whatever each moment brings, let’s allow ourselves to live fully in it. It’s all we have in the end.