Model the Good

The sun was shining and the vibes were high on Friday after work. I pulled into a local gas station which also serves as a convenience store and ice cream shop. A woman ordered an ice cream and upon making it for her and handing it across the counter, the young lady who scooped the ice cream asked another cashier to ring her out while she took care of me on another register.

What ensued next was unexpected and jarring.

In a loud, accusatory tone, the customer holding her ice cream said to the young lady who had just made it for her and switched registers, “WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?”

The young employee replied, “I SAID HE COULD RING YOU OUT. WHY ARE YOU GETTING AN ATTITUDE OVER SOME ICE CREAM?”

The yelling from both individuals escalated into insults about each other’s appearances, their families, threats of violence…to the point that another cashier had to hold the young woman working my register back.

I couldn’t decide what to do. My card was in the card reader, but I was waiting for her to push process. Should I take my card out and leave the snacks on the counter? There was a long line of wide eyed people also waiting and watching, wondering what they should do.

Luckily, there was no physical altercation, and I was able to cash out and leave. When I was finally in my car and able to take a deep breath, it dawned on me that thankfully there were no children in the store. But there could have been. That thought left me feeling concerned.

Last week, I led a student round table where I invited a group of 8 students to talk to me about their school experience. It was a powerful, deeply insightful conversation that I’m carrying with me as we consider what we want to nurture in the system of school and what to change. One incredibly articulate young man told us that he intends to be a lawyer and then a judge one day. He explained that when he comes to school he’s watching us (the adults) and how we dress, how we carry ourselves, how we respond to people and situations.

Adults are constantly modeling for kids. Good or bad. We are either modeling constructive ways to manage emotions and challenges or unproductive responses.

We have a beautiful opportunity to make school a kinder, gentler, better world for students than the world outside of school. So our students can experience how that feels and can see what it looks like to have high standards for the way we treat others and ourselves. Seeing this and how adults accomplish this equips students with the skills necessary to move throughout the world outside of school in the same manner. If we do this well inside of school, this is an often overlooked but important way we can the world. Through kinder, gentler, well-equipped kids who become adults who can stand up for what is right in ways that move positive change forward.

Regardless of whether you work in a school, I encourage all of us to see this as our responsibility. To treat the way we post and comment on social media as if it’s the model for young people. To look at our responses to situations as modeling and teaching opportunities. To model what it looks like to admit when we are wrong or struggling, seek appropriate support when we need it, learn, and do better. Not all of us have the same access to support and resources and some of us have sadly experienced intense, unthinkable trauma. No one deserves that.

Often what happens to us in not our fault. Our response, however, is our responsibility.

We must be ridiculously in charge of ourselves and work hard to model the good stuff. Our kids need us and the future depends on it.