Disciplined about the Good

Today I was sitting next to someone at a workshop, and I noticed her wedding ring was very pretty. It was a simple, thin band, with tiny little diamonds on it.

Without much thought, I leaned over during the presentation and whispered to her quickly that I thought her ring was beautiful and timeless.

After that comment, out of the corner of my eye, I could see her eying her ring and admiring it. She straightened it a bit, stretched her fingers and straightened her arm a bit, so she could take note of her ring from a different angle.

What I said to her lasted less than 5 seconds. But the moment lingered with her for an additional 30-45 seconds.

And if that isn’t a metaphor for what we do in schools every day, I don’t know what is. Some of the small moves we make take 5 seconds or less, some take much longer, but the impact of those microscopic moments can linger for minutes, days, years, and sometimes a lifetime.

Every Wednesday, we participate in instructional rounds as administrators and coaches. We go into classrooms and using Mike Rutherford’s 30 Second Feedback protocol which I expand upon in my book, Legacy of Learning, we leave only positive feedback. Our feedback is very specific and connected to an instructional move that was made and the impact on student learning. I’ve embedded an example below:

Recently, I posted on Instagram that a teacher stopped us before we (we go in pairs) left the classroom. She pulled the post-it notes off the door and with excitement about reading them declared, “I just love to see what you wrote. I save all of these.” After seeing this on my Instagram stories, another high school teacher messaged me to say that she saves all of the notes in her desk drawer as well.

My little moment about the wedding band was unprompted but meaningful to the recipient of that compliment. I might not have noticed that ring on a different day and might not have said something either.

Which has me thinking, we are disciplined in many areas of school. We are disciplined about our instructional minutes, our schedules, our deadlines, and our data, but are we disciplined about seeing and growing the good in other people?

And why not? Perhaps it’s because we are so disciplined in so many other areas that we are tired and this falls away.

James Clear explains, “The more disciplined the environment is, the less disciplined you need to be.”

There are days when many of us don’t feel like doing instructional rounds. But we’ve dedicated time every week to doing them and never regret it afterward. It’s inspiring to see the meaningful and impactful work that educators are doing with students every day. We know it matters. We know it’s time well-spent, but in the absence of personal motivation and discipline, sometimes it’s hard to do the work even when you know it’s important.

Our discipline of doing instructional rounds weekly keeps us on track. When you don’t feel motivated by your values, compelling as they may be, a disciplined system or environment can help you continue to live out your values.

One post-it note may or may not change the world. But a series of post-it notes and little encouragements, bit by bit, or bird by bird as Anne Lamott would say, over time, can change not only how someone sees the world but how they see themselves, their capabilities, and their impact.

So, in our efforts to commit to systems, processes, and structures that grow academic achievement, let’s not forget to create an environment that is disciplined about noticing and nourishing the good in others.

As Elizabeth Gilbert says in her book, Big Magic, “The universe buries strange jewels deep within us all, and then stands back to see if we can find them.” Let’s help people find them. And let’s create an environment that helps us find the beauty in others too.