Play it with Love

On the heels of Teacher Appreciation Week and the eve of Mother’s Day, I’m reflecting upon what has been a challenging and rewarding school year.

In my new role, I get to facilitate meetings with some incredible teachers and administrators as a part of our district culture and climate team.

This past week, we reflected upon celebrations both big and small this school year. We talked about being brave enough to care. We talked about how when the world feels heavy and the work feels too big, we do what we can. With what we have. Where we are. A sentiment shared by Theodore Roosevelt and attributed to Bill Widener.

It’s a unique experience being new to a district and being tasked with leading a committee that existed for years before you were hired. I wasn’t sure where to start. We decided that if we wanted more connection and community in our school district, we first needed to have it on this team. We needed to create a profound sense of belonging and wholeheartedness here. So, we took our time, listened to each other’s stories, learned together, and practiced vulnerability.

We created something beautiful together. During this last meeting, we talked about what it might look like to create more of this sense of togetherness, belonging, and connection across our school community. Not just because of how good it feels but because we know that this is what is needed to start conversations that matter. This is what is needed to build a better future. We need each other more not less.

As we brought the meeting to a close, I felt moved to share something. I cannot explain why, and I knew that when sharing it, I would cry, but I decided that was ok. It was safe to cry here.

I want to expand upon what I shared with the group. I didn’t share all of this with them…I’ve since had time to reflect further. For example, I don’t talk about my book at work. 🙂

This year has been one of the hardest in my adult life. During my first week on the job, my husband was in the hospital. It was a complicated, unexpected, and scary situation. Then, for about a month this past winter, doctors were convinced that I had breast cancer. Luckily, after many tests, this was proven not to be true. Finally, this spring, my mom had an emergency surgery that saved her life. I recently took my mom on a quick weekend trip to celebrate her recovery, and I found myself watching her. It brought me joy to see her smiling and savoring the sun on her skin. I watched as she tapped her foot to the beat of music on my Bluetooth stereo. I cannot put into words how it made me feel. It’s all I wanted— for her to be healthy and happy and here we were.

I talked about my mom and the loss of my dad in Legacy of Learning, and the way my understanding of that loss has evolved over the years. When I was young, I came to terms with what that loss meant for me. As I got older, I realized what that loss meant for my dad. He was so young. But as I grew to see more years than he ever did, I finally understood what that loss meant for my mom who raised two kids on her own and kept her heart soft even when she had to no choice but to be strong.

We play many roles in this life. Many of us are meant to be great parents. As a woman who has chosen not to have kids of my own, I’ve sometimes wondered what my purpose is in the life. Certainly, I find purpose and value in my work. I feel so fortunate to do work that matters so deeply in the lives of others.

But I think I’ve realized this.

I was meant to be a great daughter.

It’s a role that I won’t get to play forever, and I came face-to-face with that very reality when my mom was rushed to surgery.

But I get to play it today, and I’m going to make sure she continues to feel the sun on her skin.

My love for her is big and scary.

And while my love for this team is a different kind of love, I’m realizing it is indeed love. I love you, and I want more of that for all of us.

Our love can heal.

Our love can heal each other and our community.

So, as I bring this blogpost to a close, let’s remember that we might not feel like we excel in every role we play. It’s challenging to excel in all roles simultaneously.

But whatever role you’re meant to play, play it with love.