Calm and Capable

I was at a house party over the weekend which was hosted by one of my husband’s high school buddies. They had a lot of friends there who attend with their wives and kids. I can genuinely say that I enjoy all of the women in this friend group which is a true blessing. A funny question emerged during our girl chat before the Derby race, “How do you decide if you like someone as a person?” I told them that my husband teases me and says that my metric is simple, “If they are easy to talk to.”

It’s true, but it does go a bit deeper than this. I know that I enjoy someone when the conversation feels easy…when it’s genuine and not forced. There is no “putting on airs” or “positioning ourselves” in any kind of way. Just two humans who are being their authentic selves and not trying to be overly impressive. It’s someone who makes my nervous system feel at ease.

I know this is true about me in my work too. For the book dedication in Legacy of Learning, I considered so many possibilities. I thought about dedicating the book to my father who passed when I was in first grade, and then that felt unfair to my mom who also suffered that tremendous loss and raised to young kids on her own. I could go on and on about the amazing people in my life, so I decided to catch them all with a dedication that simply says:

To the people in my life who make me feel calm and capable.

Something about that left room for future people who I have yet to meet but suspected would be delightful and positively impactful in this way.

On the heels of what’s been a challenging few weeks, there was an unexpected and uplifting remark that was made to me last night as we offered our hugs, gratitude, and goodbyes before heading home from the Derby party.

After a hug and a laugh, she said, “I often use the language you shared in your book (a Brene Brown reference), ‘the story I’m telling myself is…”‘

I told her that I’m still practicing with that language, and I was so grateful she read my book. She was generous in her reply. I’m not sharing it to be self-serving. I’m sharing it before she has no idea how much I needed it. She said, “It’s a beautiful book, and I think everyone should read it.”

Adrienne, thank you for making me feel calm and capable. I dedicate Legacy of Learning to people like you.

Making others feel calm and capable is a beautiful and underrated way to make a positive difference in the world.

As we enter this work week, let’s make someone’s nervous system feel at ease. You never know who needs that.