Wired for Story

As human beings, we are wired for story. In fact, as Karen Eber, author of The Perfect Story explains, “The brain responds more to storytelling than it does to information.” And yet, think about how many meetings and professional learning days start with information sharing. In our efforts to be succinct, concise, straight to the point…which don’t get me wrong is important in an era where so much is competing for our attention, it’s easy to forget our wiring.

It’s amazing how certain stories stick with us. I recently had the honor of working with two PTO boards in our school district who wanted to come together for some learning and connection this summer in the form a mini-retreat. I got to know both of the incoming presidents through a district culture and climate team that I lead. They didn’t know one another prior to joining that team, and I’m not sure anything makes me feel more proud than seeing two strangers form a friendship through gatherings I’ve facilitated. Isn’t that what it’s all about at the end of the day? Bringing people together, learning, forming bonds, and co-creating? I really cannot think of anything that I professional love more than this. Through this work, these individuals have become much more than parent leaders to me. They’ve become friends that I love and cherish. That might sound a little over the top to you, but if I’m allowed to be anything on this blog, it’s fully myself. 🙂

Over the course of the year, the culture and climate team has realized that we don’t want to be a place where people send their problems and greatest hopes for our school district. Hero-based leadership will never cease to disappoint others. No, instead we strive to create the world we wish to see inside of this team of educators and parents. Then, we focus on how we can create the conditions that make it possible for everyone we come into contact with to host gatherings and conversations that matter. In short, this idea of mattering to each other and to our community is at the heart of this work.

As the PTO presidents joined our planning team for a community gathering we facilitated earlier this month, we got to talking about many other things, including their aspirations for a PTO board retreat. It was during this conversation that I volunteered to facilitate this joint retreat. I felt pretty confident about it in the weeks and days leading up to it…until I walked into the room. Suddenly, having over 15 PTO mom’s in one room felt intimidating. I wish I could explain why, but I think I found myself doubting that the same sense of community and for lack of a better word magic that we had co-authored on the culture and climate team could be created here. But I had to forge on because what other choice did I have? They were counting on me. I had to feel the fear and do it anyway.

We started as we always do with an energizer. This particular energizer was titled, “Three Things” and is one that I borrowed from my colleague, Eric Muchmore. Essentially, we got into a big circle, traded name tags with someone, learned three things about them, and then became them in a conversation with another person. We did this three times. Once we had “become” three different people, we got back into our whole group circle. One at a time, we introduced “ourselves” and our three things as whomever’s name tag we were wearing. We giggled when facts were a little wrong or when we panicked over remembering things correctly. We learned facts about each other that reached beyond our roles, and something about that felt grounding.

Later we shared stories of when they were most proud to be a part of the PTO. I opened with my own story of impact. It was a story from my time as an elementary principal. There was a student who for the purpose of this post we will call Jimmy. Jimmy quite literally ran from me when I started the job. Apparently, Jimmy had gotten himself into some trouble prior to my time at the school, so he wanted nothing to do with principal and therefore, me. Over time, I earned Jimmy’s trust. I would visit him in class, ask about his work, and share something specific and positive that I noticed. I would talk to him at lunch and play with him at recess and over time, Jimmy and I became buddies. I will never forget the day he ran up to me and gave me perhaps the best professional advice I’ve ever received, he said, “You wanna know why I’m doing good in school? It’s not because of the rules. It’s because you’re my best friend.”

These stories, mine and those shared by the room, carried us outside of our insecurities and into something much more meaningful. The stories rooted us in why we matter and why our work matters so much. We were no longer our titles; we were human beings figuring out this complex landscape together.

There was more that went into that evening together but for the sake of time, I will share that at the end of the gathering, we circled back up. We use circles for a reason. Circles have no power structure; we all share equal value in this space. Multiple people shared that they hadn’t been sure what this night would be. Many admitted they didn’t really want to come, and some said they were skeptical when we started with our “Three things” activity but they were surprised by how much they enjoyed it and enjoyed the night.

That kind of feedback is my favorite. It’s so raw and honest and it’s an indication that some walls were let down…all of which is needed to build trust and a better future together.

So, in your efforts to write goals and develop plans for this upcoming school year, please don’t forget to make space for story. In doing so, you make space for connection and mattering, and I’m not sure that anything of significance can be built without our humanity at the center.